Bureau of Impending Doom · Bulletin № 42

…

days remaining

until what? that's classified.

Cartoon of a calm man with a coffee, sitting in a room engulfed in flames, saying: people are not panicking appropriately.
Exhibit A: a local optimist, handling it.
Current threat posture —
Official time-squandered meter 0%

Measured from the Bureau's official epoch (New Year's Day, 2026), a date chosen purely for dramatic effect.

Recorded panic incidents: 0 (this device only — the Bureau respects your privacy and your panic)